What I want my peers to know

Hey everyone!
Sixth form has well and truly started with work mounting. Also new pupils come from other schools, this means I have been able to make some new friend which has been great. On the other hand, the minority have seen it as an opportunity to make judgment on something which they will know very little about- the purpose for this post. What I want all my peers to know.  
The worst thing about having a disability is that they see it before they see you, before they get the chance to know you. I haven't even opened my mouth, yet I know you have a preconceived idea about me, but that's okay. I guess if you have something different from others then it is bound to happen. I mean, the stares, they are normal, that's part of human nature, I can life with that bit. It's the glares of disbelieve, that's what is upsetting. 
Hear me out when I say what you see is a tiny part of me. A tiny part of what makes up me and my personality, but also a tiny part of my medical list. Just think about pain. Pain is invisible to the outside world, but perfectly visible to me on a daily basis. As you might know, I'm a part time wheelchair user. A reluctant part time wheelchair user at that. I may joke and say 'oh it's because I'm lazy' but that's probably because it's easier. It's easier then saying you are in chronic pain, no one wants to hear that, they want to know things are getting better. 
Can I just say, I hate using my chair; it's the last resort. It traps me and can leave me out of control, shows I have given up and can't go on. If I am in my chair it doesn't mean that I can no longer walk, because I can. It means the pain has become too much to manage- like someone screaming in your ears. Yet you are still expected to concentrate in lessons and work. It means that fatigue is swallowing you up and not letting go. 
I bet you won't know this but throughout high school my dream has to be accepted because I don't see the point in changing for you all, I believe I am very close to this and for that I am eternally grateful. However another one of my dreams has been to dance in the school show- something I am yet to fulfil. You see, I used to dance, before this got out of hand. However in the earlier years of high school I was shy and reserved, something that doesn't really fit my personality now... But now the barrier is the pain and fatigue, but also the physical barrier of mobility. I guess it's something I need to come to terms with, like a lot of things. 
I am constantly reminded about how positive and smiley I am. I'd agree, I am. Although a smile can hide anything you want. It can also make things easier to deal with. Being happy is a lot more fun in my opinion, it also makes others believe that things are good.  I believe 100% that things could be worse. For me everything is normal. normal is whatever you are used to. I also know it's possible to live in pain and not just survive. It is possible to create the most amazing memories and achieve the highest possible. 


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